ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
