the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just puked most of my soul out..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
