Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize