But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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