ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
