Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
