So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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