I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
