went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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