see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
And then he peed in my hair
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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