twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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