i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
