She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
