You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
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I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
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Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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