So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
