I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
