i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
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Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
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She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
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