Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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