This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
