Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
