I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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