I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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