Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
