So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
