i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
