Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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