so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My penis needs a shock collar
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
