So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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