When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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