I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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