I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
