My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just puked most of my soul out..
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
