What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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