Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
