like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
