once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
