in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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