You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
