I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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