Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
