I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
