If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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