Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
