An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
