Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
