Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
