fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
