i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
