Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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