HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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