Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
