he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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