What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
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the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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