a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
