Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
