yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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