I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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