Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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