I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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