Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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