Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
