i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
