someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
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